Is there a best way to break up? Let’s be honest, breakups are messy and painful. No matter how much you prepare yourself beforehand when you break up with someone you love all the things you thought you would say during the breakup goes right out the door.
Relationships end for several reasons, no two relationships are the same. Conflict, commitment, and not being on the same page are just some of the few reasons that cause you to pull the plug.
But choosing to end the relationship doesn’t mean that you don’t care about the person, it just means that you don’t work as a couple. And that’s okay.
When you realize this you try to figure out the best way to break up. In all honesty, there isn’t one especially if you’re the one initiating it.
However, since you’re the one doing the dumping there are steps you can take to make the experience less painful for both of you.
Be Blunt, Not Harsh
This goes without saying but if you’re breaking up with someone, you must tell them the reasons. Not that the breakup doesn’t suck, but at least they won’t be blindsided or left in the dark wondering why they didn’t deserve a proper explanation.
At the same time, you have to be careful the way you approach. Keep in mind that they are on the receiving end of what you have to say. The process doesn’t have to be harsh and ugly as portrayed in the movies, etc. You could end the relationship gently and calmly.
Do not use this moment to unleash all your pent-up frustrations or anger about everything that went wrong even if they want to know. It’s wise to just focus on one or two things instead of dragging out a painful conversation.
Also, try not to end the conversation by saying you could remain, friends, because this might come off as giving another chance to the relationship in the future. If that isn’t your intention then don’t imply it.
Do it Face-to-face
Even if you haven’t been dumped through a text you can still have an idea how much that would suck. Having so little consideration for you that they didn’t even bother to show up and do it? If you have been on the receiving end of that then why do the same to the other person?
The sensible and mature option is to do it face-to-face. It’s also preferable if you choose to break up in a private spot instead of a public place but all in all, this depends on their temperament.
Acknowledge the Pain
Before you break up, you need to come to terms with the pain that will follow because there isn’t a pain-free way to do so. We all wish we could end it without causing any pain or hurt not just to them but to ourselves as well.
But you have to go into it acknowledging that it is going to suck for the both of you. Once you come to terms with this fact, you can be prepared for the aftermath.
Avoid Cliché Statements
Don’t use cliché statements such as “It’s not you, it’s me” or “You deserve better” and so on. These kinds of sentences are not something they would ever want to hear from you.
Because these words don’t mean anything. Instead of calming or soothing them, these words will make them overanalyze and overthink everything about the relationship and make the process even harder.
No Blame or Shame
When you explain the reasoning behind your breakup, do so without blaming or shaming the other person. There’s no reason why you should paint them as the bad guy.
They might have done hurtful things but they are human, too. Nobody’s perfect. And you can choose to separate the mistakes from the person and resolve things for your own peace of mind.
It’s Okay to Break Up
Breakups in general don’t feel good but to be the one who’s initiating feels worse. Especially if it is with the person you cared deeply about. But remind yourself that what you are doing isn’t wrong, so you don’t feel guilty about it.
It’s okay to end the relationship if it isn’t working out for you and not helping you grow as a person. You’re not just respecting your time but also theirs. Yes, it’s going to hurt but keeping the relationship just for the sake of it isn’t going to help you or your partner in the long run.
Not every relationship is going to be the right one but that doesn’t make the other person necessarily bad or wrong. You have to be okay with the fact that two people can be incompatible with each other at times.
Be Prepared for their Reaction
Even though you are aware of their personality and temperament, you still can’t predict how they are going to react when you break up with them. So you should brace yourself for several reactions.
If they get sad, try to be as empathetic as possible because it can be quite gut-wrenching to find out that someone doesn’t want to be with you. It’s completely okay to show them a gesture of affection before you start talking to them, to cushion the blow.
If they react angrily, it’s totally understandable. However, you have to maintain your calmness and not react the same way. Ask them if they need a breather for a few minutes. If they turn violent or abusive you can tell them that it isn’t appropriate. Remember that it’s never okay to stay in a relationship because you are afraid of how your partner is going to react if you end things with them.
Check-in with Yourself
Breaking up isn’t comfortable, and while you are making sure that they feel okay after you have had the conversation, it is important that you also check in with yourself.
Remind yourself that even though it feels horrible at this moment, it is temporary. You will be okay. As you work through the emotions, be gentle with yourself and practice self-care as much as you can.
